Are you satisfied with your life, who you are and where you are going? Too often as a society, we don’t take enough time to consider this carefully at least now and then. We are kept distracted (and some would say that is also intentional to dumb us down from avoiding realizing our real powerful potential), by all sorts of things. Like having to work long hours in work we would prefer not to be doing, the pressures to spend lots of time shopping for things that mostly we don’t need(but apparently, must have). Watching lots of TV zone out from the stress of life, having to be here or there for this appointment/group/class, just trying to keep up with what everyone else is living like not because we want to do something but because it’s what “your suppose to do”.
I have been there at so many times in my life getting so exhausted trying to do all the things that I thought I should do to fit in with others. Whether that was trying to do a particular course and program that I didn’t want to do(and didn’t have to but attempted to work as it would at least look better to others if I were doing something with a piece of paper as the end goal. Though the training was not teaching me much and a waste of money), or eating a diet that was more easily socially accepted (even though not good for me). Holding onto certain relationships in my life that were toxic to me(but to let go would make me look my failure I thought). Just some examples of things that I kept in my life that were not good, but I didn’t take the time(at least not for long enough), to find ways to say enough is enough this is not what I want-I am unhappy, ill and stressed.
Evaluate your life
That is what you need to check go-to in with yourself every so often to see what is toxic needs to go, what is helpful stays, and what is a bit of both. Then decide how likely it is to improve or not and decide how long you will give it a go adjusting it before enough is enough if it doesn’t work. It is okay to say no to things and other people if something is not what you want. Too often we use excuses such as: “I need to be polite” or “They have authority over me” or “I will get mocked/this is not what most people are supposed to do”.
I have struggled with those sort of things over the years too, being that I have spent a lot of time in religious groups that make you feel inferior, that you need to obey, and you are nothing without your “savior.” So my self-esteem was connected to a threatening/demanding deity(God/Jesus/Yah-didn’t matter what religious phase I was in, it was one of low self-worth with service to others first before my needs even). Also, another thing is this: your gender doesn’t determine how valued you are(as much as religions have tried to convince us otherwise). Women are equal to men. I don’t mean we are the same for we have our differences physically/mentally/emotionally and that should be encouraged to be so. There are some roles that one gender is better suited to than the other. This doesn’t mean one should rule over the other or feel in anyway more superior-its just differences that need to be respected.
Be authentic, be happy
You don’t need to live like everyone else does to be happy. You need to live like you want to live to be truly happy(not just surface content, while resenting others). Being different is okay. In fact, it can be a good thing. Think about it-how boring is it to meet people who have to all wear the latest fashion, have the gadgets, eat the newest junk. Go to the same places as others, even talk and probably even think alike(well, I don’t know how much actual real thinking goes on in their brains not a lot of independent thinking at least, more just like programmed autopilot or something). Do you want to be like that at all? I know I don’t (when I thought about it). It’s best to be your unique self (even if multiple things make you different to others- for me I thought I would have to compromise on an area of myself as it was too much, but that isn’t a good idea at all to do). If you keep trying to be more of your true authentic self-the right people will also notice and want to be around that too. Which means you get to have the sense of belonging you want and need while at the same time being right to yourself that really is a major way to be truly happy with your life! 🙂
You can say “no” in ways that don’t have to be aggressive just calmly be assertive with your response instead. And you have to find your power don’t let others take your power away. If there is something, someone is doing/or is trying to get you to do that you don’t like/don’t agree with then you need to find ways to find your voice and let them know that. If they continue to persist (even after you have had your say), either ignore them, do your own thing anyway. Inform others of their wrongdoing and find support to help strengthen your fight in particular situations like for those who may be in powerful positions in your life directly or indirectly, but are misusing that power for their gain.
Authority also means responsibility
I have learnt a better way to regard the apparent authority levels in one’s life is to see if they are serving you or not. As one shouldn’t take it for granted that with power comes great responsibility. Whether that is your boss/teacher/government/partner/or whatever it doesn’t matter we all need to respect one another’s rights to our own freedom to choose to live life our way and the only time that one should intervene in that is to actually protect another from harm. That is the ideal, but I know in reality it doesn’t always work this way as some people just don’t really care for others.
Don’t give up!
However, don’t let that stop you from doing what you can whenever you can to practice assertiveness, advocacy, empowerment and respect for yourself and others. The more of us who live like this, the more it will change our world to one where we all seek to support one another to live out our dreams to be truly happy with our lives.